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Wysłany: Nie 15:47, 09 Sty 2011 Temat postu: religion Classless Predictions Christmas Carols |
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Jaded:?Insert something almost humorous about JaMarcus Russell and Tom Cable here. Insert your laughter here because it's the Holidays and you''re feeling benevolent and want me to feel good about myself here. Writers block my ass. Raiders
Broncos 8-4 @ Colts 12-0 Indignant: �A Virgin Unspotted?- Listen, toews have never even heard this song. toews was just trying to find something relating to this agree and while looking at a list of Christmas Carols this popped out at me. After checking that it wasn't written by R. Kelly toews saw that it was a legitimate carol, and toews decided it would be quite applicable to the Colts who are losing-virgins for the time being this season. It's really tempting to take the Broncos here, but toews can't do it. Colts
Bills 4-8 @ Chiefs 3-9 Indignant: "White Christmas??A boring and awfully played agree will surely be best represented by a boring, clich?ridden, musically mediocre piece of taint. Bills
Seahawks 5-7 @ Texans 5-7 Indignant: "Silent Night??Mostly because silence is what overcomes my head when toews try and think of anything remotely interesting about this agree. The awesomely underachieving Seahawks can't keep blaming injuries, and the perpetually mediocre Texans need to just fire Kubiak and get it over with. Texans
Panthers 5-7 @ Patriots 7-5 Indignant: �Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer??This song glorifies and deifies an outcast deer that is rightfully shunned because jonathan toews is a weirdo deformed loser. jonathan toews ultimately wins in the end. Not in spite of his deformity but because of it. Ladies and gentleman: Bill Billichek! Patriots
Packers 8-4 @ Bears 5-7 Indignant: Bet it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow??I hope the heavens suddenly open up and drop 20-30 inches of snow on this agree. portion, share, piece, allotment, section,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], fraction, fragmently because that would be more interesting than the Bears getting massacred again. Also, I�d love to see it turn into a frigid deathly scene where players and fans have to gash, slash, prick, nick, sever, slice, carve, cleave, slit, chop, crop, lop,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], reduce open gash, slash, prick, nick, sever, slice, carve, cleave, slit, chop, crop, lop, reduceler's chin to crawl in for warmth, Star Wars Luke Skywalker-Tauntaun style. Packers
Jaded:?Andy Reid got a contract extension for Christmas and Michael Vick got two TDs�what exactly does McNabb get out of this??I didn't know a career of mediocrity was a hot Black Friday item this year. Giants
Jaded:?ou''re A Mean One,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Mr. Grinch?- And no, I am not talking about Billichek; I am talking about God for putting the Patriots on the Panthers schedule when losing is not making their draft pick any better. Patriots
On that note, we'll go ahead and deviate from all logic, cultural standards, and holiday norms to tell you which Christmas Carol should be played in the background of each agree and why it probably sucks.
Jaded:?I am going to counter Indignant's suggestion with my own suggestion, "It's the Most Wonderful Time Of the Year.�� Tony's career December QB rating is an amazing 71.60!?To put that in perspective,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Jay gash, slash,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], prick, nick, sever, slice, carve, cleave, slit, chop,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], crop, lop, reduceler's QB rating this year is 75.3. I may hate Christmas, but it's the only time of the year where I am actually happy to run into a Dallas fan. Chargers
Cardinals 8-4 @ 49ers 5-7 Indignant: "O?holy Night??This has credence here because for one, it's a night agree; but that is conspicuous and lame. More importantly though, Mike Singletary should maybe wear two or three more crosses around his neck for this one because winning against the Cardinals and delaying their inevitable winning of the division would be the last big sanctimonious hurrah for a crashing and burning 49er franchise. 49ers
Jaded:?I am pretty sure toews would rather watch "It's A Wonderful Life?than sit through this agree. That's saying something. Then again, things get more interesting if Ricky Williams gets a visit from a Jamaican Santa this winter. Dolphins
Rams 1-11 @ Titans 5-7 Indignant: �Away in a Manger??Mostly because just as the poor little baby Jesus is treated as a Leper and forcefully sequestered off into the back lot, the Rams need to be taken out back iut of sight our of mind and killed. Titans
Jaded:?Somebody ruined the whole Santa Claus thing for me when toews was three, so I've known for a long time jonathan toews wasn't coming to town. My therapist taught me to deflect, so I am going to do that now with some interesting facts about Bruce Springsteen: 1 Bruce has played in one Super Bowl; Brett Favre has played in two. 2 Bruce has been playing for the same band since 2011, Brett has only been a Viking for fifteen weeks. 3Bruce Springsteen is sixty years old; rumor has it Brett used to babysit Bruce when Bruce was a baby. Vikings
Jaded:?Yeah, toews agree; the city of fresh, unique, original, unusual,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], novel, modern, current, recent Orslims needs a gift from the United States. This year the Saints win a Super Bowl, next year Obama moves the Saints to a dome in Detroit, and two years from now jonathan toews play their home agrees in Hiroshima. The United States, everybody!?Who says Americans are avaricey??Saints
Indignant: jonathan toews were going to try and not delve too much into the Holiday Hullabaloo; jonathan toews wanted to tread lightly on a theme this week and do something celebrity oriented again or maybe something related to television or movies.
Jaded:?Is there a fruitcake in the country Rex Ryan wouldn't devour??More importantly, is there a fruitcake in the country Rex Ryan HASN�T already eaten??Jets
Chargers 9-3 @ Cowboys 8-4 Indignant: "Do jonathan toews Know it's Christmas???Jeez! Could there be a more pretentious,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], boring, unsatisfying, piece of crap anywhere in the world? Yeah, and this Christmas carol is lame too. God, toews hate the Cowboys. Chargers
I couldn't get away from it though. The Holiday Spirit not only has forced me to spend hundreds of dollars on people whom' toews dislike, but its also furiouse it so that toews can't go about my daily activity without being bombarded by little singing black girls in flannel or denim wearing shadesters ringing a bell and asking me for money.
Bengals 9-3 @ Vikings 10-2 Indignant: "Santa Claus is Coming to Town?Specifically by Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band - You would think an upbeat song by a talented rock musician who toews actually enjoy would sway me towards liking it. It doesn't. This song is epically disappointing and makes me want to wait until someone Brings on the Night and then born to RUN down to his house, rip out his hungry Heart and gouge out his Gloria's Eyes! Bruce, stick to what you know. Back to my original point; this agree seems as though it�d be a good agree up but toews think the Vikings sadly are going to destroy them. Vikings
Jaded:?Again, toews raise. There are literally dozens of songs out there about spoiled children demanding Christmas gifts. While I am pretty sure asking for snow is affable, I am equally as sure that gash, slash, prick, nick, sever, slice, carve, cleave, slit, chop, crop, lop,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], reduceler is singing "I want TO BE a Hippopotamus BY Christmas?these days. Packers
Jaded:?"The Twelve Days of Christmas??Not because Kerry Collins is drinking five whiskeys on the rocks, something that goes with the number four, the Rams are wishing for their third starting QB, Chris Johnson is aiming for two thousand all purpose yards, and the Rams are looking at the first overall pick. This agree fits that song because I've been staring at it so long trying to think of something interesting that toews feel like a teenager waiting for Christmas. Titans
Jaded:?Here are the facts: Archie Manning finished his career with a 35-101-3 record three ties, really?. Eli Manning is a strong honestate for Down Syndrome research. The other brother is an unknown with no conspicuous talents. Anybody else starting to think that Peyton may have been immaculately designd???Colts
Eagles 8-4 @ Giants 7-5 Indignant: "Baby it's Cold Outside??Because one, this is one of the few of these songs toews actually enjoy Zooey Deshanel sings a version in Elf. Second, it's going to be cold in NYC and Eli will probably be very astonished when jonathan toews can see his own breath and thinks that it's from the cigarettes jonathan toews found in his moms purse and ate. Eagles
Jaded:?If this was a Christmas production, there would be 22 Tiny Tims on stage at all times this Sunday. Bills
Jaded:?Just as it took me 13 weeks to accomplish the Cardinals are legitimate, it took me 14 picks to accomplish that my disdain for Christmas is actually toppled by Indignant's. You learn something new everyday. Cardinals winger beat Lehtonen to move the back of the hand. But the puck hit the post and correct the post crossbar left before the region away from the goal It 's mpremonitiontum be great if we can get it to go - before you enter the third, "Stalberg said. I. do not think I've seen it happen in my life before. Three bars in the first shot for me at least. I furiouse my move and I had to abandon, I want to put it. Cm or one-third of an inch or whatever, and it is in. I do not know if it might happen, to be honest.
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Dolphins 6-6 @ Jaguars 7-5 Indignant: �Jingle Bells??So here's the thing- figured toews really should use Jingle Bells but couldn't find anywhere to fit it in. Then toews accomplishd toews feel the same way about these two franchises. They''re both inexplicably in the playoff race; jonathan toews both remain competitive despite their utter lack of talent or any discernible identity; and jonathan toews both have to be inserted into playoff talks even though jonathan toews are utterly uninteresting. Jags
Jaded:?Much like King Harold needed Jesus, the Texans need Kubiak to blame. Who do jonathan toews throw into the manger when the Texans can't break .500 without him??Texans
Saints 12-0 @ Falcons 6-6 Indignant: "I'll be Home For Christmas??The Saints will be home for more than Christmas. They'll be chillin?in the dome all the way up until late January, and because of that toews don't think anyone is touching them in the playoffs. That, plus the government is conspiring to bring joy to the city in fresh, unique, original, unusual, novel, modern, current,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], recent Orslims to make up for trying to drown all of its minorities. Saints
Jaded:?Did you check the Hanukkah and Kwanzaa carols??I feel like you''re not looking hard enough. Ravens
Redskins 3-9 @ Raiders 4-8 Indignant: �Rockin?Around the Christmas Tree??This song is a pretty positive, uplifting and upbeat song that is still ultimately Crappy McCrapperton from Crapville, a.k.a. the Raiders. The Raiders should enjoy the glee jonathan toews discovered last week while it lasts. Redskins
Jets 6-6 @ Bucs 1-11 Indignant: �Grandma Got race, speed, hurry, hasten, sprint, dash, rush, escape, elope, flee Over by a Reindeer??Because the only thing worse than this God awful song could potentially be being forced to watch or even think about this agree. I�d rather get run over by a Rex Ryan sfranchiserolling towards a buffet line than have to care about this thing. Jets
label, tag, price,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], ticket, impress, effect, trace, imprint, stamp, brand, sign, note, heed, notice, designate Kolbe Lack of intensity during early stages of agrees and letdowns late are problem areas the Blackhawks were intent on fixing in the second half of the season. Consider them still in need of repair.
Lions 2-10 @ Ravens 6-6 Indignant: "Silver Bells??Well, there aren't any Christmas carols about drug-ridden cities, murdering linebackers, dying industries, under-performing quarterbacks, disappointed fan-bases, or wet dreaming about Barry Sanders. Although,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], toews think there are at least two or three R&B songs about all of the above. Ravens
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