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This is what started my enquiry which led me to develop a Training agenda on Assertiveness and the discoveries made for that program were surprising.
When I premier encountered the word Assertiveness, my incipient motif was that it's about obtaining something done your way, not matter how others consider and feel about it. Even popular dictionaries define it as 'having a confident and persuasive personality' or for an adjective-'expressing attitudes or lusts strongly and with trust, so that people take notice'; the accent here shifts from "creature confident" to making sure "people take placard". This confused me a bit, as I wasn't able to diagram out the feud among Assertive and Aggressive.
"Assertiveness"- If you visit a bookstore and try to search writings on Assertiveness, opportunities are that you would be a little dissatisfied. Though the behavioral educate of thought has recognized the magnitude of Assertiveness as a behavioral feature,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], still there is some chaos and secret glued to the heading.
Ryan and Travis defines Assertiveness as " your ability to express your thoughts and emotions in a way that apparently states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other". Now let's drill down this a bit, expressing one's thoughts and feelings is ok, one can do that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but how to ensure that the lines of communication are kept open with the other human. This is the 'tricky part'.
Another facet which deserves a deserving memorandum here is namely Assertiveness is all almost how you communicate with others. To unravel it in a bit extra detail, we need
Let's take one example, whether I am writing this bawl and my wife is afflicting me with some playful noises with my newborn son in the same room, then I have 3 alternatives to make :
Stephen R Covey compliments the thought above along saying " Between incentive and response there is a choice. In that choice lies your entire power and liberty to escape your life".
You can choose to react. The response will dictate how you live your life.
Assertiveness is choosing the right responses. If from the sample listed on, I select everything except the third feedback,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I might not have the power and gallantry to penetrate through the repurcussions of those responses, another I might undergo both myself alternatively establish suffering as others. This is what happens while people choose Aggressive or passive responses.
I can simply wail down at my wife with all my manly vocal gallantry and narrate her to leave the room quickly. Here I have secondhand my legislature and one entity is sure, she will not come behind to the room till my work is done. This is the provocative tactics. Here I've got my access emulated, merely the pivotal question to ask in this circumstance is "What afterward that?"
I can submissively leave the room and work elsewhere else or wholly delay the thing thereby slaying all the feasible ingenious flow of thoughts coming at the moment. Here I have esteemed her right to melodrama with the baby and make noise, but what about my rights of expression?
As a third and novel Option, I can initiate a 10-15 seconds conversation with my wife, appreciating her needs as well as communicating my requirements in a credible form. This will create a shared knowing between the 2 of us and will put both of us ashore the same platform. This is what is cried assertiveness and this is how you keep lines of communication open with the other. The need has been met, but not at the cost of strained relationships or closed talk.
The example above highlights 2 momentous aspects of Assertiveness which will foldefect in ... the paragraphs beneath. First and foremost, Assertiveness is all about production choices. Austrian Psychoanalyst Viktor Frankl articulates beautifully in his classical work "Man's search for averaging" that " Everything can be taken away from a male but one thing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the final of the person freedoms, the power to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances". This reconnaissance from Frankl method that however comes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], whatever happens,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you forever have your choices open.