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To get over social anxiety,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], start with positive affirmations to give yourself the initial courage to go out there and mingle. Then you need to practice socially-confident behavior. Before you think up some affirmations, know that the fear that fuels your anxiety is a fake bully that you made up. In real life, a bully can and will beat you up physically if you make him mad. But your social phobia cannot do anything to harm you unless you keep avoiding social situations. The more you avoid the things you fear, the worse your condition becomes.
Make up affirmations that put you on the offensive rather than defensive against your fears. Instead of nervously saying, "I will get through this. I will get through this," try saying, "I'm going to blow everyone away with my new confidence." Using such bold affirmations will not be enough if you don't back it up with the corresponding behavior. So let's talk about how socially-confident people act and don't act.
Be Interested in Other People
Try to figure out what makes the person you're talking to tick. Even if this person is a friend, there's always something new that you can discover. If you are an anxiety sufferer, chances are you're so wrapped up in yourself that you don't even know what's new with your friends and relatives. Being genuinely interested in others is almost a magic cure for social anxiety because it takes the focus away from YOU.
Break the ice by sincerely complimenting the person on something (eg. dress, hair, shoes, [link widoczny dla zalogowanych]). Then ask about that person's favorite music, movies, hobbies,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], whether they have children, etc. Don't talk about yourself unless that person asks a question. Completely focus on what makes that person tick. There is no such thing as a boring person.
Introduce Yourself to Strangers
By meeting new people and not spending the whole party with people who make you feel safe, you are taking the offensive against your fear. Start with the shy ones. This will help you gain immense confidence when you realize that maybe a third of the people in the room are also socially awkward. Help these people get over their social anxieties. Any motivational coach will tell you that the fastest way to learn anything is to teach it.
Don't Be a Mind Reader
All social anxiety sufferers think they can read people's minds. But they are incapable of reading anything positive. Be aware of this and stop it every time it starts. Every time you think someone is judging you, stop focusing on yourself and re-focus on the person you are talking to.
Avoid All-Or-Nothing Thinking
All-or-nothing thinking is another big characteristic of all anxiety sufferers. Not all your attempts to meet people will turn out well. The tips in this article will not guarantee that no one will ever treat you badly again. In fact, I guarantee that someone will.
The law of averages dictates that if you mingle with, say, 20 people at a party,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there will be a couple of great conversations,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a lot of neutral ones, and a couple of people who will think you're a complete idiot. If you give in to your fear,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the one or two bad conversations will give you a panic attack and you'll swear never to go to a party ever again. Or you can take the offensive position and be grateful to those bad experiences for teaching you that life is balanced and not an all-or-nothing proposition.
Avoid Negative Conversations
There are few things in life as exhilarating and fun as backstabbing and vicious gossip at a party, but avoid this like the plague, especially during your recovery period. Excuse yourself without being judgmental and come back when everyone has calmed down. Remember, you must exude love, care and concern for others as much as you can. Why? Because anxiety blossoms when you feed it with bitterness and revenge.